i have high hopes for the future, that some day, i'll be able to exist as i feel i should be able to. people will speak their minds, with tact, yet hold nothing back. everything around me will be done in a clean and efficient manner. poetic beauty will abound in everything.

as things are right now, however, i feel like this is impossible. my only option is to change myself and become comfortable within the system that surrounds me, rather than finding some way to change this system to allow my ideals to exist comfortably and realistically.

i want nothing to do with money, but i cannot escape its bindings without sacrificing a certain quality of life. i want people to be open and communicative, rather than relying on subtexts and restrained emotions. i want everyone to treat everyone else kindly, while still maintaining their unique personalities that can bring about disagreements.

whenever i watch movies or read books, the characters effect a yearning in me to live in their fantastic and confined world. where progress can be achieved in a montage. where one can fall in love between chapters. where every struggle is meticulously plotted to bring about a productive change.

i feel like i'm living my own backstory.